{"id":15,"date":"2026-09-21T17:51:40","date_gmt":"2026-09-21T17:51:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dev02site-x3ohyw.wpurr.com\/?p=15"},"modified":"2026-09-21T17:51:40","modified_gmt":"2026-09-21T17:51:40","slug":"assessor-handbook-extract-how-to-interview-a-suspect-cat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dev02site-x3ohyw.wpurr.com\/?p=15","title":{"rendered":"Assessor Handbook Extract: How To Interview a Suspect Cat"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>Before you begin<\/h2>\n<p>A cat interview is not a conversation. It is a negotiation, and the cat holds all the cards, most of them in her paws. Prepare a calm room, a comfortable chair, a notebook and a small plate of something fishy. Do not bring a tape recorder. Cats consider recorders rude.<\/p>\n<h2>Opening the interview<\/h2>\n<p>Begin with a casual greeting, such as &#8220;Good afternoon.&#8221; The cat will not respond. This is normal. Wait for a count of ten and then say, &#8220;I understand there was an incident.&#8221; The cat will look at the wall. Make a note.<\/p>\n<h2>Key questions<\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li>Where were you at the time of the incident?<\/li>\n<li>What were your intentions?<\/li>\n<li>Is this your tail, or is it a colleague&#8217;s?<\/li>\n<li>Would you say the vase looked ready?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Interpreting the answers<\/h2>\n<p>A cat who answers by washing her face is saying &#8220;I decline to comment.&#8221; A cat who walks away slowly is saying &#8220;I have already been cleared.&#8221; A cat who falls asleep is saying &#8220;You are not very good at this.&#8221;<\/p>\n<h2>Concluding the interview<\/h2>\n<p>Thank the cat. Do not shake a paw. Leave a treat as a gesture of goodwill and do not mention it in the report.<\/p>\n<h2>Common pitfalls<\/h2>\n<p>Do not interview two cats at once. They will reach a private agreement within seconds, usually based on a look, and you will be left with two identical silences. Do not offer a cat a seat that is lower than yours. She will take it as an insult and sit on your coat instead. Do not ask a cat to describe a vase in her own words. She will use the only word she has, which is a very long stare.<\/p>\n<h2>Notes on body language<\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li>Slow blink: a sign of trust, or of boredom, depending on the hour.<\/li>\n<li>Ears flat: a sign that you have reached the end of the interview.<\/li>\n<li>Tail wrapped around the paws: a sign of composure, and probably guilt.<\/li>\n<li>Standing up, stretching and walking away: a sign of a full confession, delivered in the only language she has.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Chapter 6 of our internal manual, reproduced for the benefit of new recruits and nervous policyholders.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[9,12,8],"class_list":["post-15","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-assessor-notes","tag-liability","tag-loss-adjusters","tag-witnesses"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev02site-x3ohyw.wpurr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev02site-x3ohyw.wpurr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev02site-x3ohyw.wpurr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev02site-x3ohyw.wpurr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev02site-x3ohyw.wpurr.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dev02site-x3ohyw.wpurr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev02site-x3ohyw.wpurr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/16"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev02site-x3ohyw.wpurr.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev02site-x3ohyw.wpurr.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev02site-x3ohyw.wpurr.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}