Is a bowl pushed by its own cat a loss?
Yes, but a small one. The bowl has no feelings, though its contents may.
What if the cat pushes the bowl, and then complains?
This is a known behaviour called the double claim. We treat it as one claim with two grievances.
What if the bowl is empty?
An empty bowl pushed from a counter is not a loss, but a statement. The Bureau does not insure statements.
What if the cat eats from the floor?
This is covered under the Dining Extension, which has never been used.
What if the bowl breaks?
Then the bowl becomes a claim, and the claim becomes a file, and the file becomes a story, and the story is one we are very happy to tell.
What about a bowl pushed by someone else’s cat?
This is covered under the Visitor Extension, which applies only if the visiting cat is known to the household, was invited, and left a tip.
What if my cat pushes the bowl at three in the morning?
The time of day does not affect the claim, but it does affect the mood of the assessor. We recommend submitting early claims after nine.
What if I do not own a cat?
Then who pushed the bowl? The Bureau finds this question troubling and recommends you check the neighbours.
What if the bowl lands on my foot?
That is a separate claim, and a separate form, and a separate feeling, and we encourage you to file it with a dry sense of humour.
Will my premium go up?
Your premium will go up in the way that all things go up, which is by gently rolling toward the edge.
Last word
If your bowl is still intact, congratulations. Please do not tell the cat.
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